Stop – and embrace the unknown

What comes up time and again, staring you in the face?

Your triggers show you what you still need to heal in your life.

What are you afraid of or don’t want to look at or feel that you are incapable of resolving or changing it?

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Suffering from exhaustion many weeks after my covid infection last year was over, feeling unsure of myself and insecure, I started questioning my thoughts, my feelings and approaches.

Was it really “true” what I felt? Was I assessing my situation correctly?

The thought of soldiering on nevertheless came up – questioning whether I felt really that bad, and not being sure if my fears were justified. How very strong that impulse was in me, this bad conscience creeping up. How used I was to ignoring the obvious and putting my needs on the back burner.

But the realization of not having control of my life anymore because of constant tiredness was a wakeup call.

My doctor’s advice was “it is important that you accept your situation and don’t fight against it”. 

Let go and accept the inevitable. That was hard for me. I am usually looking ahead and planning ahead as much as I can in my life, striving to always be prepared.

Learn to let go and dare to embrace the unknown. Scary.

“Keeping your energy in a bottle” is a good piece of advice I found from fellow blogger Tamara Kulish – reading her post I realized the very personal dimension it held for me.

Managing the personal energy level well is indeed tricky, as it is important to take a rest before you actually feel exhausted. As someone who had not been listening well to her body, I struggled to pick up on signs. 

The recommendation from my physiotherapist – lying down for 20 minutes every few hours to recharge – turned out to be valuable and workable advice in helping to combat the tiredness. But unlike a phone, my battery still does not fully recharge. So I bear this in mind, even though I could extend the intervals, depending on my activities during the day.

My sleep is still not good which is energy-depleting, but to be capable to sleep you also need to have sufficient energy left at the end of the day, as I learnt.

For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them. Thich Nhat Hanh

But the biggest challenge for me was definitely to finally stop ignoring my body’s needs. In fact, I felt somehow disconnected from my body, not being used to closely listen and to do what was needed: like taking breaks, relaxing, refraining from non-stop action in a row.

This was an entirely different game now: slowing down, doing nothing, resting. Not feeling frustrated about “not getting things done” for a change. 

It meant being reasonable and planning my agenda with very large time-buffers. And my agenda was only filled with doctors’ and therapist appointments – well organized, of course, to avoid getting overwhelmed.

Many of us have been running all their lives. Practice stopping. Thich Nhat Hanh

This healing journey on which I still continue to walk opened up new doors to me. Considering all the insights I got from the professionals helping me – it is certainly an ongoing learning journey in that regard. 

Mental and physical health are inextricably connected. 

Breathing techniques and meditation have always helped me, but I also learnt to reset my sleep patterns, and slowly got started on a strict fitness program. 

Lucky enough to be in the capable hands of an ergo-therapist, I acknowledged the importance of energy management. This actually gave me quite a new perspective about how to approach better not only my work activities, but also my private activities.

And I am working with a psychotherapist on my deeply ingrained habits which tend to get into the way – like e.g. going over my boundaries.

Acceptance – of my situation and of myself in all aspects – is key. Not suppressing my fear and my anger, but giving them the space they need.

I am now on the mend and happy about my progress – but aware on the other hand that I am still recovering. Hence, I am exercising patience each day, learning to be very attentive to my body’s signals and being protective of myself.

To share with you my learnings from these past very challenging months:

Listen to your body. The body is wise – don’t question or ignore the signals. Connect with how and what you feel – and follow your needs.

Give yourself the time needed to heal. Drop all your expectations or goals. Just have patience with yourself and the process. Be kind and compassionate with yourself.

Look for help early on – whether it is from professionals, friends, books, podcasts…. You don’t have to walk this path alone, and whatever works for you is good.

Focus on activities that give you energy. Avoid the energy-takers or reduce them to very small amounts.

Trust yourself!

We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize. Thich Nhat Hanh