Tag: mindfulness

You’ve come a long way, baby!

As the year is drawing to a close, let’s take this opportunity to look back for a moment. Think about how far you have come since the start of the year. Or if you prefer otherwise – in the last 3 months. Whatever time period you choose to compare against the present moment, you will notice a difference. 

You have learnt a lot, probably acquired a new skill, or stopped doing something else you suddenly discarded as not being good for you. You might have let go of old baggage, transformed an old habit or established a new one.

Either way, you have moved forward. You are a different person than you were before.

Isn’t that the way we need to be looking at our life? How far we have come, instead of regretting how far away we still are from achieving our goals or realizing our dreams?

I believe it is a much better measurement of individual success. One that isn’t apologetic or downplaying the many times when we get it right. One that’s not focusing on our imperfections or the many times we slip.

We all tend to put ourselves down a lot, unnecessarily in fact. Perfection neither does exist nor is it desirable anyway. But it blinds us to the small successes along the way: how often we try and the numerous times we do manage well – which we should be celebrating.  

The important thing is that we keep on trying, and become more aware of the chances life is offering us every day. The chance to choose a different response, and to make a difference by doing it.

We can only try to take the right decision at the time and do our best. How it will turn out eventually is not foreseeable in all aspects and beyond our control. And we only have control over ourselves, not over others or fate. 

Moving through life like this is humble, confident, and so much more joyful.

As Sia is singing in “Flames”:…Go, go, go figure it out, figure it out but don’t stop moving…. You can do this.”

Not so long ago, it was important to me to “get things right” each day – an aspiration to become who I strive to be.

Looking back on it now, I have managed meanwhile to feel happy about the stuff I sometimes do get right, and I don’t punish myself anymore for my mistakes. I accept this to be the normal life of a normal person that tries, trips and falls, learns from it and tries again to do better the next day. 

Tomorrow is always another chance to become “the best version of myself” – that phrase from my online yoga teacher Adriene really stuck with me. 


Sometimes you need to take one step back to take 2 steps forward later.

Buddhist saying

As it stands, I can look back on quite an eventful year. 

In January, I suffered from exhaustion, couldn’t work, felt overwhelmed by my physical and mental situation. 

So, I got help, and as the months passed, I learned to listen to my body, to connect with myself and to slow down. I understood how vital it is to manage my energy well. Realizing my patterns, setting boundaries, learning to give myself more credit and giving me the time needed for healing. 

It’s true: these things just take the time they need, and you cannot accelerate your healing path. In the end, I dropped my unrealistic expectations of what I should or shouldn’t do or who I should be. To just acknowledge my limitations and start out from there was – in a sense – liberating. 

And indeed, things got better with time. To summon the patience and confidence to trust the process while going through it was not always easy for me. When you are in such a the moment, then self-doubts and fear are ever-present.

But most importantly: I decided to make peace with my past. Whatever baggage I carry around is a part of me, my history. There’s no need to hide it or feel bad about it. No need to explain myself. I am enough the way I am. 

Sounds easier than it felt for me at the time. When I listened to Brother Phap Huu (Plum Village podcast “The way out is in”) talking about this concept of embracing your past and your habits, it attracted me instantly as the right thing to do, however, I did not know exactly how to do it. All I knew was I wanted to go down that path.

Turned out that the act of taking this decision was actually enough to set things in motion. Once I decided that was what I wanted, things started to move. I moved forward. It has taken me a long time to get to this point. 

I am still working on transforming my habits and know this will continue. They will not disappear by power of magic. In practical terms: the key is to understand them as part of me, but without handing them the control over my life. 

That’s all. A demystification which might help to put things into perspective. It certainly helped me to make sense of it. (In case you assumed otherwise – Buddhist practitioners are very much down to earth, that’s why their advice is so infinitely valuable.)

Bottomline: It feels good to have learnt a lot about myself this year and to have put it into practice.

Here’s to 2024 – my wishes for all of us are for new insights, more patience with ourselves, equanimity, and the courage to walk our own path.

Stop – and embrace the unknown

What comes up time and again, staring you in the face?

Your triggers show you what you still need to heal in your life.

What are you afraid of or don’t want to look at or feel that you are incapable of resolving or changing it?

Suffering from exhaustion many weeks after my covid infection last year was over, feeling unsure of myself and insecure, I started questioning my thoughts, my feelings and approaches.

Was it really “true” what I felt? Was I assessing my situation correctly?

The thought of soldiering on nevertheless came up – questioning whether I felt really that bad, and not being sure if my fears were justified. How very strong that impulse was in me, this bad conscience creeping up. How used I was to ignoring the obvious and putting my needs on the back burner.

But the realization of not having control of my life anymore because of constant tiredness was a wakeup call.

My doctor’s advice was “it is important that you accept your situation and don’t fight against it”. 

Let go and accept the inevitable. That was hard for me. I am usually looking ahead and planning ahead as much as I can in my life, striving to always be prepared.

Learn to let go and dare to embrace the unknown. Scary.

“Keeping your energy in a bottle” is a good piece of advice I found from fellow blogger Tamara Kulish – reading her post I realized the very personal dimension it held for me.

Managing the personal energy level well is indeed tricky, as it is important to take a rest before you actually feel exhausted. As someone who had not been listening well to her body, I struggled to pick up on signs. 

The recommendation from my physiotherapist – lying down for 20 minutes every few hours to recharge – turned out to be valuable and workable advice in helping to combat the tiredness. But unlike a phone, my battery still does not fully recharge. So I bear this in mind, even though I could extend the intervals, depending on my activities during the day.

My sleep is still not good which is energy-depleting, but to be capable to sleep you also need to have sufficient energy left at the end of the day, as I learnt.

For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them. Thich Nhat Hanh

But the biggest challenge for me was definitely to finally stop ignoring my body’s needs. In fact, I felt somehow disconnected from my body, not being used to closely listen and to do what was needed: like taking breaks, relaxing, refraining from non-stop action in a row.

This was an entirely different game now: slowing down, doing nothing, resting. Not feeling frustrated about “not getting things done” for a change. 

It meant being reasonable and planning my agenda with very large time-buffers. And my agenda was only filled with doctors’ and therapist appointments – well organized, of course, to avoid getting overwhelmed.

Many of us have been running all their lives. Practice stopping. Thich Nhat Hanh

This healing journey on which I still continue to walk opened up new doors to me. Considering all the insights I got from the professionals helping me – it is certainly an ongoing learning journey in that regard. 

Mental and physical health are inextricably connected. 

Breathing techniques and meditation have always helped me, but I also learnt to reset my sleep patterns, and slowly got started on a strict fitness program. 

Lucky enough to be in the capable hands of an ergo-therapist, I acknowledged the importance of energy management. This actually gave me quite a new perspective about how to approach better not only my work activities, but also my private activities.

And I am working with a psychotherapist on my deeply ingrained habits which tend to get into the way – like e.g. going over my boundaries.

Acceptance – of my situation and of myself in all aspects – is key. Not suppressing my fear and my anger, but giving them the space they need.

I am now on the mend and happy about my progress – but aware on the other hand that I am still recovering. Hence, I am exercising patience each day, learning to be very attentive to my body’s signals and being protective of myself.

To share with you my learnings from these past very challenging months:

Listen to your body. The body is wise – don’t question or ignore the signals. Connect with how and what you feel – and follow your needs.

Give yourself the time needed to heal. Drop all your expectations or goals. Just have patience with yourself and the process. Be kind and compassionate with yourself.

Look for help early on – whether it is from professionals, friends, books, podcasts…. You don’t have to walk this path alone, and whatever works for you is good.

Focus on activities that give you energy. Avoid the energy-takers or reduce them to very small amounts.

Trust yourself!

We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize. Thich Nhat Hanh

Slowing down

We are far too busy in our lives, every day. We cram as much as we can into our agenda – and we even do this during our holidays. I am guilty of doing this myself sometimes in the past – driven by the fear of missing out, of not getting to do something or to see a special place, setting up a tight agenda, stressing myself out in the process and then being totally exhausted because I wanted too much. 

Instead of enjoying my time off and allowing myself to float in time, exploring places without a fixed agenda, just letting things evolve on their own and see what comes my way. On my last holiday I realized quickly that I needed to stop myself, and instead spend the next day doing nothing, not planning anything, but enjoying the moment.

Which is difficult for me. It reminds me of a joke a former colleague made years ago about “the 3 German P’s: planning, process, preparation”. Yep – that’s me, I know this very well.

It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol. (Brené Brown)

It is no wonder we get stressed out and feel overwhelmed by this way of life. A typical example: we are attending a conference call, but we are thinking about the next one already, sometimes trying to prepare during the current call instead of being present and listening properly. And we excuse it with “yeah, I don’t really want to be in this call but I am expected to attend, although not contributing so I make better use of my time by doing something else.” Sounds familiar?

Well, isn’t it better to decline such a call in the first place? And set boundaries: if I do not have to contribute anything or the call does not contribute to my role then I skip it. I only have one life and need to be more strict with my time.

My body teaching me a lesson

Slowing down during my day is important. Focusing really on the present moment. Taking a break and doing nothing for 10 minutes, being really present. Far too much passes us by because we are on autopilot mode and our attention is divided. And the speed at which we are trying to function is too fast and not healthy at all.

Our body and mind needs slowing down. Otherwise, our body will force us to stop by becoming ill. The last months of continuous stress recently took their toll that way, when I got sick with covid and a nasty bacterial follow-on infection on top, forcing me to take a 3 weeks’ time out. I was exhausted and spent my time mostly sleeping. Something in fact I had been longing to do in the months that preceded it, often thinking “I just want to sleep for a week, because I do not get enough rest”. 

Currently, I am still not well, not feeling 100% because it takes an awful long time to heal. I cannot speak properly. Whenever I do, it irritates my bronchial tubes and restricts my breathing. It feels like having no strength when speaking, it’s super exhausting. 

My doctor expressed sympathy for my understandable desire to return to normal, but advised me that I simply have to give my body the time it needs to heal. I cannot speed it up and simply need to accept that – as difficult and frustrating as it is. The more I struggle against it, the more it will slow me down – I already feel it.

When we are not fit, not healthy, we are not at our best. We cannot really show up for ourselves and others, we are not present. We overwhelm ourselves, act too fast, talk too fast, overlook things, we run too fast and hurt ourselves in the process. No surprise.

We humans have lost the wisdom of genuinely resting and relaxing. We worry too much. We don’t allow our bodies to heal, and we don’t allow our minds and hearts to heal. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

There is a negative connotation in the West with doing nothing, being “lazy”. That’s why so many people actually struggle to meditate and focus on their breathing – they struggle to be alone with themselves and their thoughts. Not for once filling every minute of their time with activity or entertainment like they are used to all the time, but just being in the present moment. It seems like the hardest thing to do.

We seem to think that we always need to be productive, or consume. As if we needed permission to do nothing, to justify what we do with our time.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking along these lines, like “do I make the best use of my time?” As if I had to answer such a question at the end of each day and could get scolded for not getting it right. The notion of wasting time is indeed a big trigger for me. 

Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast; you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. (Eddie Cantor)

Are we afraid of being alone with ourselves? 

Do we feel the need to cover up this empty, quiet space with activity, because we cannot bear to be confronted with silence? 

The silence inevitably brings up some essential questions, and we prefer to run away from the soul-searching, in fact, to run away from ourselves. 

But we cannot escape ourselves.

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it. (Sydney J. Harris)

To understand that being present, thus allowing and enduring the silence can help to keep us sane, more balanced and in control, is vital. Listening to ourselves, checking in how we feel and becoming aware of our needs. Being mindful of our daily actions and thoughts, instead of mindlessly running about.

Mindfulness is not a one time thing, it is a constant practice, a constant journey.

You are enough. You are doing enough. Tomorrow is another day.  

Don’t suppress feelings of exhaustion, aggression, feeling unwell, as these are usually an indicator that something is off and you need to take a break. 

This is the advice I always would give to a friend, so right now I need to take my own advice for a change, and embrace the situation and its uncertainty, the clear discomfort. 

And slow down.

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. (Anne Lamott)

The angel of time makes us aware that our time is limited, therefore we shall live it consciously and mindfully. (Anselm Gruen)

Feel free to check out my new quotes section which I have added under the resources tab – here you find more inspirational quotes.