The memory tree

My Christmas tree is actually my memory tree. 

Every year again I decorate it with mainly the same pieces of Christmas decoration that I collected over many years, from different countries. Some I bought, some I received as gifts from friends or family or people I have been working with, and some I made myself. 

All these pieces carry memories with them which I treasure, reminding me of past times and people. Souvenirs. Each year I thoroughly enjoy decorating my tree, and in the weeks approaching Christmas and beyond, I often look at my tree, evoking the happy memories connected to these items. 

It makes me feel at home, grateful for the friendship I received, those enjoyable moments with others, the time I got to spent in different countries. It’s the feelings connected to these objects that come up every time I look at them. 

With time, I have some stories to tell which are connected to this small collection – which consists of so much more than just beautiful objects. They represent different times and stages of my life’s journey.

There is the Romanian ornament egg I received as a gift from my colleagues when I visited them in Bucharest some years ago (not long before covid made travel impossible). That’s how I learnt that these eggs are also used as Christmas decoration in Romania.

The beautiful felted heart and the Newbridge Christmas tree hanger which my Irish friend Naomi gave to me.

The colourful hangers I bought in one of the pound shops I frequented in Dublin so many years ago, which still have not lost their colours.

The nice and practical Dutch paper ball ornaments I got in the first year after I moved to Utrecht.

Quite a few handcrafted delicate wooden Christmas tree ornaments I found at German and Dutch Christmas markets.

And of course, my own creations like the crocheted snowflakes and felted stars.

The tree itself is also part of the collection. I bought it while living in Dublin for 12,99 Irish pounds at Penney’s, and it is now some 25 years old (and still looking good). It has moved with me from Dublin to Germany and then to the Netherlands. Meanwhile its losing some of its fake pine needles each time I take it out of the box or store it away again – which I did today.

All these memories are my very own, they live and will die with me,  like a lot of things existing only in someone’s heart. Sometimes we might tell a story or two to a friend about what a specific object means to us. Otherwise, this fabric of life remains largely hidden. I love to share some of these stories with my friends. It’s like giving them a present, sharing a piece of my life with them.

A friend of mine used a lovely expression when sending me her wishes for this New Year: We have an empty year in front of us waiting to be filled with good and heartfelt friendship. 

That’s a fitting description of what I am planning to do, continuing to create many more moments of joy and happiness with the people I love and cherish. Creating memories we will hold on to.


Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us. 

Oscar Wilde

What does your memory tree of look like, and what do you connect with it? 

Which of your memories do you share with your loved ones?


For more inspiration have a look at my resources section.

When things go wrong

The storm raging outside mirrors my inner turmoil, thoughts racing. Images and places long gone, historical events, words and news headlines spinning around in my head like colourful pieces of glass in a big kaleidoscope. 

How will the future unfold? Believing things will somehow turn out well is wishful thinking but I am clinging to hope. I know that it’s a fine line between normality and a potential sudden downturn into disaster. 

Knowing that the next years will bring a lot of suffering and bad things are bound to happen, is just a realistic assessment. 

It’s all a bit much right now: ongoing climate change, the presidential election results, wars continuing unabated.

On the other hand, nothing is ever set in stone and where there is darkness, there is also light. 

Even in the storm, the sun is shining behind the clouds. 

Rumi

So, hanging on to eternal wisdom and hope is one way of coping, and going on about my daily life. Well knowing that I will feel down and overwhelmed from time to time. 

Getting a bad conscience about keeping my healthy distance to the news, but being fully aware that I need to be serious about setting such boundaries to protect myself. The only control that I have is over my own thoughts and decisions.

Being very self-aware of how it all makes me feel, and listening to what my inner being is telling me that she needs. 

Looking at all the problems and crises in the world it’s easy to get overwhelmed, because we cannot solve everything. But we don’t need to. The thought that resonated with me in the latest episode of my favourite podcast: 
“Focus on one thing you can do well and trust that others do the same.”

Indeed, we are not alone and it always makes me happy to see other people’s thoughts, advice, engagement and commitment. Their ideas and activism. 

It is so important not to lose hope or become angry at all that goes wrong, at the existence of evil and the amount of suffering in the world. 

The massive threats we are facing, like the climate crisis, are scary. But if leaders are not listening, it does not mean that activism is ineffective. 

The spoken word has immense power, can move people and be the catalyst for change. 

What we mostly perceive through news and social media is the – quite amplified – negative side of the coin. But there is equally love and hope out there, inventions, advice and support. 

Progress made is never in vain, even if it sometimes goes like “1 step forward, 2 steps back”. It leaves a legacy with people. It sows a seed and can be brought back to life.

Change comes in small steps. It’s rarely the big revolution that brings about radical change. It’s a sequence of small steps that finally pave the way to a different reality, so don’t underestimate its power. It takes patience and perseverance.

Most of us might wish for change to come at lightning’s speed, me included. Looking at the big challenges we are facing feels like we are running out of time, thus breeds impatience that could easily lead to overwhelm and despair. 

But none of us has a magic wand. And it’s never one person alone who could fix things , especially not when things went the wrong way for a long time. We need to hold on to each other and collaborate. And we need to acknowledge our responsibility for our life choices.


To create fundamental change, we, the members of society, have to transform ourselves. If we want real peace, we have to demonstrate our love and understanding so that those responsible for making decisions can learn from us.


Thich Nhat Hanh (Love in Action)

To change the world we first need to change ourselves. 

And if we can change ourselves, then we can change the world. 

A comforting truth: it works both ways.

How can I become the best version of myself? Easier said than done. But with myself, I have agency. I decide what to do and how to respond. It is hard and exhausting sometimes. 

1) Acknowledge the importance of the worries and threats impacting all of us. We cannot run away from them, and I do understand the anger and frustration of activists who do not feel heard. 

2) Do not lose hope, don’t let it drag you down. Taking care of yourself, your sanity, is a must. Don’t lose faith in the goodness of people or our love for the beauty of the world. That is not naive but an important part of surviving, of quality of life. We need that. Without closing our eyes to reality and what has to be done. 

Don’t give in to despair. It’s a difficult act of balance, and I am not good at it either. And remember: self-care is not selfish, but the necessary foundation for showing up well.

3) Focus on what you can do within your power. No contribution is too unimportant, we need to keep reminding ourselves of that. It could take the shape of activism but there are more options. Sharing information, supporting a cause, can be as helpful. Being attentive to people’s needs, educating and enabling others. Helping things progress and looking for kindness.

4) Have trust in others. We are in this together. It feels reassuring not to be the only one who is trying to make a change and do the right thing.


How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

Rumi

I refuse to let this situation have the power to control my sanity, my peace, my wellbeing or my happiness. 

We need to live our lives and live them well. We need to do whatever good we can within our own circle of influence, and we need to do it together. Because we are in this together.

That is the only way to effect change.

There will never be a time when all of humanity’s problems will be solved. We can never expect one person to come along and handle everything for us – as tempting as such a thought might seem.

It is always up to us.


…use your courage and creativity to build what you know is missing from the world.

Yung Pueblo

Making peace with myself

The package each one of us carries around is unique and bound to stay with us for the rest of our lives. It is our individual conditioning that led to certain habits, behaviours and struggles that come up once and again. 

How we deal with it is up to us. But we need to understand that we will never get rid of it and have a clean slate. 

What we encounter in life has an impact and spins us into a certain direction. We often carry a lot. Imagine abuse, neglect, accidents, violence, loss, illness… Life is easily disrupted.

Whatever it is, it leaves an imprint and makes us very special – and also a bit weird. In fact, everyone is weird because of it. There is actually nobody who would be considered as “normal”. What is normal anyway? Is there anyone who doesn’t suffer? Certainly not in this universe.

If it’s any consolation: we are all weirdos in a way, trying to cope with life’s challenges the best we can. What is differentiating us is how we move on. 

Because you are alive, everything is possible.

Thich Nath Hanh

It often feels scary because it is stepping into unknown territory. But there is also always a chance, because life is full of surprises and unexpected turns. A chance that things could sometimes turn out well. A chance to learn through our difficulties and grow. A chance to actually make a difference in the world because of it.

We take different paths in life based on our suffering: it influences our life choices. For a time, it’s ok to grieve the loss of options no longer available to us. The loss of an alternative reality that was taken from us. The different person we could have become without the event in question. 

But we cannot change the past. 

Instead, let’s trust that there is a reason for everything even if we don’t see it at the time.

To take that leap of faith could at times feel overwhelming. It is so much easier to remain in the blame game and the regret, wasting time wishing for a magic wand to change reality, or for an external force to solve all our problems.

Stepping out of this cycle, taking ownership of my conditioning and the consequences it had for my life often feels hard, huge and exhausting. 

I understand the importance but acting on it is a different story, and I don’t always succeed, but I accept my own pace. 

Suffering teaches us. It is a part of life. We might try to run away from it out of fear that we couldn’t cope. I would surely like to eliminate all fear and suffering from my life. Honestly, who wouldn’t?

And yet, the purpose of suffering is not to make it go away. Knowing and allowing it means: we also know happiness. Every coin has two sides. So be grateful and enjoy the happiness you have in yourself already, right now!

It is real freedom when you know how to care for yourself. To be responsible. We need to be very mindful where to put our energy, make sure not to lose ourselves. Be true to what your responsibility is. To be who you are is to know how you show up.

Thich Nath Hanh

What I found truly liberating: not justifying myself anymore for who I am. Nobody has to justify themselves for the life events that shaped them! 

When I was younger I tried to hide my true self and fit in, well knowing that I always kinda stuck out. Now I am proud to be weird!

And here is another comforting truth: you become who you are because of what you go through, but also in spite of it.

To stand by myself, to acknowledge my wounds set me free. It took me a while to embrace all of it. And I am still getting to know myself better each day, discovering new aspects of myself, humbly realizing that it’s ok not to be perfect.

To listen to myself, to accept myself, have compassion with my struggles, habits and failings, to actually like who I am.

To love what I find inside of me, be grateful for it and accept what brings me suffering. Not judging myself for it or trying to hide it. Not suppressing, ignoring or denying it. Not numbing the pain. It’s neither shameful nor embarrassing. Sweeping things under the rug gives them more power, so that way they always resurface –  and I do not want them to be in control.

Befriending my fears, my habits by making my peace with them. Letting go of my expectations and my anger about why things are as they are, about my limitations and my pain. Instead giving them the space they deserve and accept them as a part of me.

The feeling this concept transports felt very attractive when I heard it the first time on my favourite podcast “The way out is in”. At first, I could not fully grasp it but quickly followed my instinct saying “yes, I want to move into that direction”, and then things started to turn around. After a while I felt much calmer and more content.

You already are what you want to become.

Thich Nath Hanh

Allowing myself to be the way I am with the whole range of positive and negative sides felt like finally giving myself some rest.

Because all aspects – good or bad – belong to me and my history, have shaped my character and influenced my behaviour, my preferences and priorities, my approaches, dreams and aspirations. 

Picking some positive daily affirmations can be very supportive. Mine are:

I am enough.
I am worthy.
I matter.
I deserve to be happy.

I also remind myself of all the abundance, beauty and love I have in my life.

The first step to transformation is making peace with my past and in fact, with myself. Having compassion for myself and my failings, accepting that I am a human being, thus fallible.

It’s easy and hard at the same time. It is not only a decision on a cognitive level but much more a deeply emotional topic.

I believe that when we do it, we also set others free, giving them permission to do the same. 

And we understand that everyone is in a similar situation, struggling like we are struggling. There is always a reason why people do what they do. 

That way we open up space for compassion in ourselves allowing for more kindness when interacting with others.

Be beautiful, be yourself. 

Thich Nath Hanh