Tag: authenticity

An enlightening poem

The birds aren’t singing to win a grammy.

They’re not trying to go platinum, 

Do their marketing or planning,

They’re just jamming.

I’m not even understanding…


“Birdsong”  (IN-Q)


Words, recited with so much warmth, humour and kindness, depth and wisdom. This poet and his poem “Birdsong” got me fascinated instantly when I listened to him the first time on the Lewis Howes podcast.

It’s a very unusual piece and contains so many lines worth pondering over, that’s why I’d like to share what stuck out for me and what it made me think of.

The first lines caught my attention and made me smile. I love listening to the birds singing early at dawn when the sky is slowly brightening. 

They are indeed a bunch of jamming musicians, creating a unique and wonderful sound which is different every day in the quietude of the morning. And while they are doing it neither for financial gain nor admiration, we are listening in awe.

Humans are the only animals pretending to be something that they’re not.

Why are we ashamed of what we’ve got?


“Birdsong”  (IN-Q)

Now that truly hits home. Why are we hiding our true self? It’s ever so often about thinking that we are not good enough, don’t measure up to a standard. Actually which standard? The one set by others we are so easily submitting to, or our own unrealistic expectations we so often set for ourselves? 

It’s easy to get drawn into this spiral about what others do, like or have, so we want that as well. Irrelevant of whether it’s good or useful – or even meant for us. People are social animals, and watching someone else supposedly happy with whatever they got, a signal seems to pop up for us to start chasing after the very same thing.

Such reflex I experienced as well on occasion, putting myself under pressure by setting an unrealistic goal. And then I felt annoyed with myself for not achieving it, for getting doubts along the way and procrastinating. Now I take these feelings as a sure sign that this is not the right goal for me.  

Everyone has to walk their very own path, and that means finding out what is good and meant for me, and only for me. Especially since time is a finite resource which becomes more and more obvious when getting older.

Our creator gave us free will thus choice. That sets us apart from animals. And what do we do with it? Why are we so often pretending instead of being our authentic selves?

Why put up a show, building a fake persona or a fake life – to what end? To impress others or make them envy what I have allegedly got?

How sad it is, pretending (online) to have the perfect body, the perfect relationship, job, holidays ….. or the perfect life. 

Before social media existed, we also flaunted status symbols like a house, a car or “the right clothes”, showing off to impress the neighbours or our classmates at school. Today in the online world people have a much further reach through their posts, facilitating approval from across the globe for their “achievements”. 

But none of it can cover up what’s going on behind the scenes, and the polished facade we put out there is in essence nothing more than a desire to belong and to find happiness.

You have to be willing not to be liked in order to be loved.

“Birdsong” (IN-Q)

Wow – what a statement! And a tall order for sure. How often we are striving for acceptance and approval, for being liked – in the real world and online. 

Who’s got the courage to go against the flow and make themselves vulnerable? Admitting not to be perfect, to mess up from time to time, making mistakes and standing by these slip-ups. Yes, it takes courage. 

I found it gets easier since I got older though, because my priorities have changed. Some things are not that important to me anymore. And how good it felt to simply let go of my wish for perfection!

How to handle negative feedback and disapproval? Well, people can only see and know parts of you. The only person knowing the full picture is you. Have a look at what Thich Nath Hanh wrote about the 6th mantra: “…The other person only sees a part of you, not the totality, so you don’t have to be unhappy at all.” (Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Communicating (p. 86))

Stay true to yourself and close to yourself.

Show me the unseen stuff.

Don’t invite me over only after you have cleaned up.

“Birdsong” (IN-Q)

Show me what’s bothering you, what you’re struggling with and let me help you carry the load. I want to meet your true self. That helps me to be my true self.

In everybody’s life there is something not going right. It’s important to share it and be honest about it. Why hiding it? There is no need to be ashamed. We are all in it together. Nobody is without flaws, without a drama of some kind in their lives.  

These lines made me laugh though, because when I invite friends, I often use it as an opportunity to clean up my creative chaos as I call it. Mostly half finished watercolour paintings, wool in all shapes and sizes, paper, cards, origami dwelling on the table and taking up space on my sofa. 

What the unseen stuff means to me is how I really feel and what is important, and what I want to share with another human being.

To truly be yourself you have to let go of what was.

“Birdsong” (IN-Q)

The past determines a lot. And we are not good at letting go, we are holding grudges, struggling to forgive. It’s easier to blame whatever is not going well in our lives on someone or something else, remaining in the “victim of circumstances mindset”. 

But we cannot go back in time and change the past. Accepting what has happened and that it’s a part of us is crucial and helps to move on. 

How hard it may seem at the start: making peace with your past is the only way forward. 

Do it one step at a time, especially if there is a lot to process or to forgive. I found the act of repetition helpful because it established a positive pattern over time. It’s showed me that it’s possible to move on, even if it takes quite a few reiterations. It’s never “done” in one go anyway, you need to re-visit your wounds again and again. 

But once you’ve done it the first time and felt how it opened a door for you, it’s a feeling you will remember the next time round, and that helps you to push forward and repeat the action, trusting that turning into this direction already changes your life’s trajectory and helps you to stay on your chosen path.

That’s what the healing journey is all about.

Stay courageous and curious!

Check out IN-Q for more poems and inspiration:

https://www.youtube.com/@INQonline

https://www.in-q.com/

Finding yourself and your very own way

It has taken me ages to feel in sync with myself. I wish someone had told me when I was young how important it actually is to follow my heart and my dreams. To move forward regardlessly. To learn and develop, to try out things without being afraid to make a mistake, certainly not striving to be perfect. Life is about the journey – not about making the “right” decision each time.

Today I know that life is a journey and not a destination, the purpose being to learn as much as you can and then refine and fine-tune your path, finding your way, going left or right without being afraid. When I am looking at young girls today I feel the need to tell them exactly that. 

We get caught up so easily in what others might think of us, keeping up appearances or putting on a show, hiding who we really are. Afraid of showing our true self, being afraid of rejection and ridicule – of which we get a lot at school, which often shapes us impacting out adult lives. We all long for acceptance and belonging. 

And today, with all the social media circus around us, it is even harder to be yourself, especially when you are a girl. It takes courage, and a good backup at home from parents who acknowledge the importance of encouraging their children. Knowing that strength is about being true to yourself. That showing vulnerability is essential in finding your way forward into this very difficult and complex world. 

Life is hard in the face of adversity, but it is possible to get through it. Knowing the tools to use while being in the middle of the storm helps a lot. Thankfully, there are parents who have a lot of awareness about this, raising their children carefully and mindfully into strong, responsible, kind adults who are not afraid to speak their minds and stand up for themselves.

Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. (Albert Schweitzer)

My late aunt – my father’s sister who was my godmother – encouraged me a lot when I was a child, in a rather indirect way. She reassured me, offering me a safe place where I felt I could be myself from a very young age onwards, like a safe haven. She never said anything directly to me about what she perceived until when I was an adult, was never judgemental in any way. She just gave me her unconditional love and understanding, her support and kindness. She was a good role-model, patient and good-humoured. 

Looking back I understand more now. She was the good spirit in my life and she did a great job in raising me – albeit from a distance as we did not have the chance to meet very often. But spending time with her was always pleasant, it felt like an oasis of well-being. We were one of a kind and I felt very close to her. She inspired me in many ways. I owe to her my creativity, a lot of my interests, among them my love for nature. And above all, I owe to her the assuredness that I am me and have the right to be myself and to be accepted as I am. Whatever other people might think or say. 

That’s why I feel the need to give back, particularly to young girls and to younger colleagues. To tell them – in my own rather direct and straightforward manner – how important it is to be in sync with yourself, to find your own way and not to shy back from going wherever you feel the need to go because your heart tells you so. 

To experiment and not being scared of failure. To realize that making mistakes is part of the deal and not something to punish yourself for. To listen more to your heart than to other people’s opinions.That life is about a life-long learning process. Getting impulses fosters understanding and growth. I have learnt the same way and that helped me become who I am today.

Do what your feel in your heart is right. You’ll get criticized for it anyway.(Eleanor Roosevelt)

Everyone has to gain their very own experiences in life, of course. And some of us tend to make it harder on ourselves as it should be, but that is also a way of learning. 

Life is constantly changing. We have to walk our own path, not somebody else’s. Nothing is carved out for us – we have to go where no-one else did go before, step by step. When I was young, I did not think about that. I wanted to do what was “right”. Not straying left or right. 

Little did I know. That’s not what you learn at school – sadly, because that is what actually matters. It could help to push our boundaries, and to save young people from a lot of heartache and insecurities. A lot what we are suffering from is based on our own exaggerated expectations, something which we even might have taken over from our parents, without questioning. It’s pressure we needlessly put on ourselves. It is – as so often – the thoughts in our heads that are the root cause of our misery.

Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. (Albert Schweitzer)

The first time I really felt in sync with myself was at the age of 53. Well. You are never too old and it’s never too late. That I know for sure. Meanwhile.

Things take as long as they take and it’s different for everyone. No need to be sad or upset about it. There is always a reason why things take time, like a seed that needs to grow. Like we need to be ready for the next step. Let’s not forget: the grass does not grow faster because you pull at it, right?

For me, it translates directly into the question: what is our purpose in life – why are we here?

  • To learn – about ourselves.
  • To find freedom – to free our minds from the expectation of others. From our own notions of how we are supposed to be. 
  • To get clarity about what really matters and where our priorities need to be.

Isn’t it a fascinating journey we are on? We can grow as old as we want to – we are still learning, developing, changing our preferences and interests, discovering new insights and understanding more and more how it is all connected. 

I am waiting for the moment when I will realize how everything falls into place. Sometimes I feel like getting a hint of it, as if the clouds are lifting for a brief moment to show the sun or a small piece of blue sky. 

I have the feeling it will be amazing.