Tag: mental health

Making peace with myself

The package each one of us carries around is unique and bound to stay with us for the rest of our lives. It is our individual conditioning that led to certain habits, behaviours and struggles that come up once and again. 

How we deal with it is up to us. But we need to understand that we will never get rid of it and have a clean slate. 

What we encounter in life has an impact and spins us into a certain direction. We often carry a lot. Imagine abuse, neglect, accidents, violence, loss, illness… Life is easily disrupted.

Whatever it is, it leaves an imprint and makes us very special – and also a bit weird. In fact, everyone is weird because of it. There is actually nobody who would be considered as “normal”. What is normal anyway? Is there anyone who doesn’t suffer? Certainly not in this universe.

If it’s any consolation: we are all weirdos in a way, trying to cope with life’s challenges the best we can. What is differentiating us is how we move on. 

Because you are alive, everything is possible.

Thich Nath Hanh

It often feels scary because it is stepping into unknown territory. But there is also always a chance, because life is full of surprises and unexpected turns. A chance that things could sometimes turn out well. A chance to learn through our difficulties and grow. A chance to actually make a difference in the world because of it.

We take different paths in life based on our suffering: it influences our life choices. For a time, it’s ok to grieve the loss of options no longer available to us. The loss of an alternative reality that was taken from us. The different person we could have become without the event in question. 

But we cannot change the past. 

Instead, let’s trust that there is a reason for everything even if we don’t see it at the time.

To take that leap of faith could at times feel overwhelming. It is so much easier to remain in the blame game and the regret, wasting time wishing for a magic wand to change reality, or for an external force to solve all our problems.

Stepping out of this cycle, taking ownership of my conditioning and the consequences it had for my life often feels hard, huge and exhausting. 

I understand the importance but acting on it is a different story, and I don’t always succeed, but I accept my own pace. 

Suffering teaches us. It is a part of life. We might try to run away from it out of fear that we couldn’t cope. I would surely like to eliminate all fear and suffering from my life. Honestly, who wouldn’t?

And yet, the purpose of suffering is not to make it go away. Knowing and allowing it means: we also know happiness. Every coin has two sides. So be grateful and enjoy the happiness you have in yourself already, right now!

It is real freedom when you know how to care for yourself. To be responsible. We need to be very mindful where to put our energy, make sure not to lose ourselves. Be true to what your responsibility is. To be who you are is to know how you show up.

Thich Nath Hanh

What I found truly liberating: not justifying myself anymore for who I am. Nobody has to justify themselves for the life events that shaped them! 

When I was younger I tried to hide my true self and fit in, well knowing that I always kinda stuck out. Now I am proud to be weird!

And here is another comforting truth: you become who you are because of what you go through, but also in spite of it.

To stand by myself, to acknowledge my wounds set me free. It took me a while to embrace all of it. And I am still getting to know myself better each day, discovering new aspects of myself, humbly realizing that it’s ok not to be perfect.

To listen to myself, to accept myself, have compassion with my struggles, habits and failings, to actually like who I am.

To love what I find inside of me, be grateful for it and accept what brings me suffering. Not judging myself for it or trying to hide it. Not suppressing, ignoring or denying it. Not numbing the pain. It’s neither shameful nor embarrassing. Sweeping things under the rug gives them more power, so that way they always resurface –  and I do not want them to be in control.

Befriending my fears, my habits by making my peace with them. Letting go of my expectations and my anger about why things are as they are, about my limitations and my pain. Instead giving them the space they deserve and accept them as a part of me.

The feeling this concept transports felt very attractive when I heard it the first time on my favourite podcast “The way out is in”. At first, I could not fully grasp it but quickly followed my instinct saying “yes, I want to move into that direction”, and then things started to turn around. After a while I felt much calmer and more content.

You already are what you want to become.

Thich Nath Hanh

Allowing myself to be the way I am with the whole range of positive and negative sides felt like finally giving myself some rest.

Because all aspects – good or bad – belong to me and my history, have shaped my character and influenced my behaviour, my preferences and priorities, my approaches, dreams and aspirations. 

Picking some positive daily affirmations can be very supportive. Mine are:

I am enough.
I am worthy.
I matter.
I deserve to be happy.

I also remind myself of all the abundance, beauty and love I have in my life.

The first step to transformation is making peace with my past and in fact, with myself. Having compassion for myself and my failings, accepting that I am a human being, thus fallible.

It’s easy and hard at the same time. It is not only a decision on a cognitive level but much more a deeply emotional topic.

I believe that when we do it, we also set others free, giving them permission to do the same. 

And we understand that everyone is in a similar situation, struggling like we are struggling. There is always a reason why people do what they do. 

That way we open up space for compassion in ourselves allowing for more kindness when interacting with others.

Be beautiful, be yourself. 

Thich Nath Hanh

Stop – and embrace the unknown

What comes up time and again, staring you in the face?

Your triggers show you what you still need to heal in your life.

What are you afraid of or don’t want to look at or feel that you are incapable of resolving or changing it?

Suffering from exhaustion many weeks after my covid infection last year was over, feeling unsure of myself and insecure, I started questioning my thoughts, my feelings and approaches.

Was it really “true” what I felt? Was I assessing my situation correctly?

The thought of soldiering on nevertheless came up – questioning whether I felt really that bad, and not being sure if my fears were justified. How very strong that impulse was in me, this bad conscience creeping up. How used I was to ignoring the obvious and putting my needs on the back burner.

But the realization of not having control of my life anymore because of constant tiredness was a wakeup call.

My doctor’s advice was “it is important that you accept your situation and don’t fight against it”. 

Let go and accept the inevitable. That was hard for me. I am usually looking ahead and planning ahead as much as I can in my life, striving to always be prepared.

Learn to let go and dare to embrace the unknown. Scary.

“Keeping your energy in a bottle” is a good piece of advice I found from fellow blogger Tamara Kulish – reading her post I realized the very personal dimension it held for me.

Managing the personal energy level well is indeed tricky, as it is important to take a rest before you actually feel exhausted. As someone who had not been listening well to her body, I struggled to pick up on signs. 

The recommendation from my physiotherapist – lying down for 20 minutes every few hours to recharge – turned out to be valuable and workable advice in helping to combat the tiredness. But unlike a phone, my battery still does not fully recharge. So I bear this in mind, even though I could extend the intervals, depending on my activities during the day.

My sleep is still not good which is energy-depleting, but to be capable to sleep you also need to have sufficient energy left at the end of the day, as I learnt.

For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them. Thich Nhat Hanh

But the biggest challenge for me was definitely to finally stop ignoring my body’s needs. In fact, I felt somehow disconnected from my body, not being used to closely listen and to do what was needed: like taking breaks, relaxing, refraining from non-stop action in a row.

This was an entirely different game now: slowing down, doing nothing, resting. Not feeling frustrated about “not getting things done” for a change. 

It meant being reasonable and planning my agenda with very large time-buffers. And my agenda was only filled with doctors’ and therapist appointments – well organized, of course, to avoid getting overwhelmed.

Many of us have been running all their lives. Practice stopping. Thich Nhat Hanh

This healing journey on which I still continue to walk opened up new doors to me. Considering all the insights I got from the professionals helping me – it is certainly an ongoing learning journey in that regard. 

Mental and physical health are inextricably connected. 

Breathing techniques and meditation have always helped me, but I also learnt to reset my sleep patterns, and slowly got started on a strict fitness program. 

Lucky enough to be in the capable hands of an ergo-therapist, I acknowledged the importance of energy management. This actually gave me quite a new perspective about how to approach better not only my work activities, but also my private activities.

And I am working with a psychotherapist on my deeply ingrained habits which tend to get into the way – like e.g. going over my boundaries.

Acceptance – of my situation and of myself in all aspects – is key. Not suppressing my fear and my anger, but giving them the space they need.

I am now on the mend and happy about my progress – but aware on the other hand that I am still recovering. Hence, I am exercising patience each day, learning to be very attentive to my body’s signals and being protective of myself.

To share with you my learnings from these past very challenging months:

Listen to your body. The body is wise – don’t question or ignore the signals. Connect with how and what you feel – and follow your needs.

Give yourself the time needed to heal. Drop all your expectations or goals. Just have patience with yourself and the process. Be kind and compassionate with yourself.

Look for help early on – whether it is from professionals, friends, books, podcasts…. You don’t have to walk this path alone, and whatever works for you is good.

Focus on activities that give you energy. Avoid the energy-takers or reduce them to very small amounts.

Trust yourself!

We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize. Thich Nhat Hanh