Tag: Hope

Inviting unpredictability

Have a little faith. There is no black and white situation. Things always change. There is no inevitability in how an event unfolds – even if I think (or wish) there must be.

How often have I experienced that things turned out much better than expected, but before they did I was fretting about them a lot and at length. 

Of course, it is always good to be prepared and to think things through, considering options and alternatives. Nothing wrong with doing my due diligence. But often, even that turned out to be not necessary at all.

So I am trying to have more patience and trust, ultimately having confidence that things can sometimes turn out well. Adjusting my expectations and not always assuming a negative outcome by default has become an important practice for me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

There is also a flip side of course. Life is unpredictable. 

We don’t have a lot under control, but we are deluding ourselves that we do. I am very familiar with this behaviour, because I am a planner. Fear of bad events (real or imagined) is driving my need for control. 

Well, life doesn’t work like that. I am so used to attempting to eliminate bad surprises and trying to get on top of all important tasks in my life – but I know my wish is a mere illusion. 

It’s much more liberating to let go of this idea – an idea essentially rooted in perfectionism. Herein lies the real inevitability: that I am unable to control the outcome of life events.


Become comfortable with not knowing.

Eckhart Tolle

Allowing myself to experience conflicting emotions is part of the package. Questioning from time to time if I am on the right path is fully ok – I just need to hang in there. 

Letting go of things I cannot control, again and again, is important, but it’s also a real struggle. 

That’s what I learnt during the past months. Unfortunately, my parents are not happy in the care home they are living in. Of course, it was a big change at a very late point in their lives and they are understandably upset. They are grieving what they lost, lacking the strength and willpower to adjust to their new situation. Their cognitive decline makes it harder.

The aggression and resistance my brother and I were confronted with really hurt though. It’s sad to see them making themselves so unhappy. It was the right decision to move them and we waited a long time before going through with it. It’s a relief to know that they are not alone anymore and have all the help and support they need. 

We had the best intentions but of course no control over the outcome. And that’s exactly what can happen: you do something for all the right reasons, but someone else is unhappy as a result. 

I had hoped for them to make the best out of this situation and focus on the benefits it clearly has for them, but they don’t want to see it.


The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.

Rumi

To acknowledge all this, my role in it and how it made me feel, was difficult. I struggled a lot with these conflicting emotions, feeling lost, angry and sad. 

In the weeks that followed I took the time to process it all, focused on protecting myself and on letting go, bit by bit. With time, I felt lighter, easing back into balance.

Where people’s emotions are involved, things get messy. Personal sensitivities have a large influence on their decisions and override the facts of reality quite often. It’s never to be underestimated. It can be a source of hope but can also turn out to be a recipe for disaster. We just never know in advance – and that’s life.

Nevertheless, this is the tiny space where hope is living. Between the black and the white.

There is always potential in every situation, even if I cannot see it in the very moment I am in it. It can turn out either way and there is not a lot we can do about it besides inviting unpredictability into our lives, fully knowing that it’s not going to be easy. 

Ultimately, have trust in what will unfold. It’s not in our hands (not always or not fully anyway most of the time), but that does not have to be a bad thing.

Have trust. In yourself and in life.


Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.

Roy T. Bennett

Holding space for life’s contradictions

Have you lately been thinking that our world is not a good place right now, that there is more bad than good news and things are getting worse each day? 

The focus on social media is clearly and increasingly on the negative, outliers are pictured as standard. Hence our perception that the world is a bad place, inducing fear and anxiety. We think there is rarely positive news, but in fact there is – we just need to actively start looking for it.

A good place to go to is Fix the news. Here you find what is actually going right in the world: stories of real progress that we rarely hear about because mainstream media are just not interested in them.

Some examples:

The list goes on – from improving access to electricity and water in third world countries, to decreasing litter in the oceans, boosting renewables, cutting pollution in cities or setting up new nature reserves. Behind all of this are always people who have not given up yet.

…progress happens not through some invisible hand of history, but through the visible hands of people who refuse to give up on it.

Angus Hervey

At all times, on this planet, there has been collapse on the one hand and progress on the other. Night and day, yin and yang. They co-exist and are interdependent. Like the Buddhists say: without the mud there is no lotus.

But because the side of collapse appears to be increasingly over-amplified through the media, do we overlook these opposites co-existing, and instead tend to believe the world is doomed. It’s easy to fall into this trap. 

Our forefathers’ legacy, to always be prepared for disaster, makes negative and scary things stick even more intensely in our brain. But we can take a different viewpoint.

The world is always horrible and beautiful at the same time, it always has been. But how we look at this paradox is up to us. We decide what we focus on, and that impacts how we live, work, communicate or raise our children.

Everything has different and sometimes conflicting aspects – it depends on the viewpoint we take. 

Life’s complexity and ambiguity are of course difficult to take in. Holding space for two conflicting positions asks a lot of endurance and self-reflection.

Deep inside we know that, but black and white scenarios are much easier to grasp. That’s why we are striving for simplification, but life is far more complex.  


We live in hope—that life will get better, and more importantly that it will go on, and that love will survive even though we will not.

John Green

How does it sound to choose the bright side more often for a change, by giving preference to hope over anxiety?

Even if I am struggling in my life, I can nevertheless enjoy happy moments. It never has to be either one or the other – I can hold and unite opposites within me.

When I am not feeling well, I can still enjoy the sight of a blooming tree at the roadside.

I can feel desperate about climate change progressing, but still be happy about the achievements of The Ocean Cleanup.

Which side do we want to be on? Which story do we choose to be part of? Angus Hervey asks these questions in his inspiring TED talk.

Do we want to give in to despair or do we choose to be hopeful?

This choice people always had to make, in all circumstances at all times, and it’s never an easy one. 

How does it influence our thoughts and actions? How does it make us feel? Which choice do you think better equips us to deal with our daily struggles?

We set things in motion through our choices. What do we share with others, what deserves our time and energy, what do we believe in?

We change our lives by deciding which story we give preference to.

Ultimately, we change the world that way. Everything we do has repercussions, influences others. And it is sometimes so easy to inspire another human being, through the stories we share with them.

Holding space for life’s inevitable contradictions requires acceptance of life, the willingness to differentiate and living with nuances. 

Whenever I worry about the future, I remind myself that somewhere on this world – unknown to me – something always goes right. 

How do you deal with life’s contradictions? What do they teach you?

When things go wrong

The storm raging outside mirrors my inner turmoil, thoughts racing. Images and places long gone, historical events, words and news headlines spinning around in my head like colourful pieces of glass in a big kaleidoscope. 

How will the future unfold? Believing things will somehow turn out well is wishful thinking but I am clinging to hope. I know that it’s a fine line between normality and a potential sudden downturn into disaster. 

Knowing that the next years will bring a lot of suffering and bad things are bound to happen, is just a realistic assessment. 

It’s all a bit much right now: ongoing climate change, the presidential election results, wars continuing unabated.

On the other hand, nothing is ever set in stone and where there is darkness, there is also light. 

Even in the storm, the sun is shining behind the clouds. 

Rumi

So, hanging on to eternal wisdom and hope is one way of coping, and going on about my daily life. Well knowing that I will feel down and overwhelmed from time to time. 

Getting a bad conscience about keeping my healthy distance to the news, but being fully aware that I need to be serious about setting such boundaries to protect myself. The only control that I have is over my own thoughts and decisions.

Being very self-aware of how it all makes me feel, and listening to what my inner being is telling me that she needs. 

Looking at all the problems and crises in the world it’s easy to get overwhelmed, because we cannot solve everything. But we don’t need to. The thought that resonated with me in the latest episode of my favourite podcast: 
“Focus on one thing you can do well and trust that others do the same.”

Indeed, we are not alone and it always makes me happy to see other people’s thoughts, advice, engagement and commitment. Their ideas and activism. 

It is so important not to lose hope or become angry at all that goes wrong, at the existence of evil and the amount of suffering in the world. 

The massive threats we are facing, like the climate crisis, are scary. But if leaders are not listening, it does not mean that activism is ineffective. 

The spoken word has immense power, can move people and be the catalyst for change. 

What we mostly perceive through news and social media is the – quite amplified – negative side of the coin. But there is equally love and hope out there, inventions, advice and support. 

Progress made is never in vain, even if it sometimes goes like “1 step forward, 2 steps back”. It leaves a legacy with people. It sows a seed and can be brought back to life.

Change comes in small steps. It’s rarely the big revolution that brings about radical change. It’s a sequence of small steps that finally pave the way to a different reality, so don’t underestimate its power. It takes patience and perseverance.

Most of us might wish for change to come at lightning’s speed, me included. Looking at the big challenges we are facing feels like we are running out of time, thus breeds impatience that could easily lead to overwhelm and despair. 

But none of us has a magic wand. And it’s never one person alone who could fix things , especially not when things went the wrong way for a long time. We need to hold on to each other and collaborate. And we need to acknowledge our responsibility for our life choices.


To create fundamental change, we, the members of society, have to transform ourselves. If we want real peace, we have to demonstrate our love and understanding so that those responsible for making decisions can learn from us.


Thich Nhat Hanh (Love in Action)

To change the world we first need to change ourselves. 

And if we can change ourselves, then we can change the world. 

A comforting truth: it works both ways.

How can I become the best version of myself? Easier said than done. But with myself, I have agency. I decide what to do and how to respond. It is hard and exhausting sometimes. 

1) Acknowledge the importance of the worries and threats impacting all of us. We cannot run away from them, and I do understand the anger and frustration of activists who do not feel heard. 

2) Do not lose hope, don’t let it drag you down. Taking care of yourself, your sanity, is a must. Don’t lose faith in the goodness of people or our love for the beauty of the world. That is not naive but an important part of surviving, of quality of life. We need that. Without closing our eyes to reality and what has to be done. 

Don’t give in to despair. It’s a difficult act of balance, and I am not good at it either. And remember: self-care is not selfish, but the necessary foundation for showing up well.

3) Focus on what you can do within your power. No contribution is too unimportant, we need to keep reminding ourselves of that. It could take the shape of activism but there are more options. Sharing information, supporting a cause, can be as helpful. Being attentive to people’s needs, educating and enabling others. Helping things progress and looking for kindness.

4) Have trust in others. We are in this together. It feels reassuring not to be the only one who is trying to make a change and do the right thing.


How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

Rumi

I refuse to let this situation have the power to control my sanity, my peace, my wellbeing or my happiness. 

We need to live our lives and live them well. We need to do whatever good we can within our own circle of influence, and we need to do it together. Because we are in this together.

That is the only way to effect change.

There will never be a time when all of humanity’s problems will be solved. We can never expect one person to come along and handle everything for us – as tempting as such a thought might seem.

It is always up to us.


…use your courage and creativity to build what you know is missing from the world.

Yung Pueblo